Christela's Notebook

in doubt

2007-06-26T04:56:00.000-07:00

somehow this feeling can't get off me just now

thinking if would this last somehow?

what if all along this is just a fantasy?

a dream that will always stay a dream?

how come questions can't get off my head

...that maybe i'm not the only one?

jealousy? maybe... but is it really true

i gave my all and then to find out that someday that all has been a lie...

would shatter me into peices again...and die

16 on 12

2007-06-12T03:11:00.000-07:00

danggg!!

is this what we call SWEET SIXTEEN?!!?

haha i can't believe i'm sixteen! And to think tomorrow I'm going to be a senior... gosh, I don't even think I'm ready! Especially for college... I haven't really had it all planned out yet! rawr

Well, my birthday is usually a holiday since it is on the 12th of June and it is the Independence Day of my motherland. But it was moved yesterday soo.... we celebrated yesterday. My brother has to go to work today and my cousin had classes so no choice... but it is good though... really!

The event was really small and simple and I like it that way. My brother's girlfriend came over, my sister's boyfriend came over, my boyfriend came over...haha! joke [was just kidding to the last one!]

looking back...well I had a very interesting year [lagi naman] and another year came and....anyways GOd knows =p

...so much for birthday blogging...haha!

love you all!

...

2007-06-05T02:58:00.000-07:00

this is not right at all...

i was looking back to the pain i've been through before and it hurts me so bad right now...
i shouldn't be doing this but i just don't know why...

looking back and observing the results are like... wow that was a long journey...

i'm captivated by the emotions i've been through before and i shouldn't be doing it... it may only lead to something... destructive...

i'm happy ...yes i am... maybe i'll get through this by tomorrow...

emo mode? maybe... or maybe Abiona's sickness was passed on to me [darn you! haha! peace!]

well... i must continue singing those friggin songs in my room...singing my lungs out... and banging my guitar on the wall [just kidding]...

....some kind of therapy huh...nah...grrr....gimme a RAWR!!!

i wish that everyday is a thursday

2007-05-25T02:34:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah yeah
blog aboooot yesterday!!!
date: May 24, 2006 [a thursday]

yesterday was thursday... the last day for my advance classes in physics and probably the last day for me to hang out since it is only weeks before the upcoming school year...

well after classes... RAWR had a meeting to have our 'work' done...

we must memorize all the new songs the band wrote...well that didn't happen
but the songs turned out to be very cool i admit.

i'm envious to the Snow Goddess since she can come up with a song and its chords right away...
i used to be like that...but it is alright...i believe i only write songs that breaks my heart..haha and that doesnt apply anymore... i feel soo much better now

then i realized i'm not updating the story that Abiona and I were working on... and i'm not writing any songs for such a long time... maybe because i spend most of my time daydreaming and not applying to paper ..hahah

as we went jamming around at Abiona's place, we decided to 'jam' more at the mall... LITERALLY!

haha...we out our guitars the the second floor in Robinsons and played the song 'Stuck' first...
hahaha...we're getting the attention of people passing by hahah

after our goody-good time i need to go back home...

and.... i was making the best of the day as i can since it will be such a long time..

...like the title of our album [RAWR] : Before all good things end....

i love you guys..and i love you!

immortal legend...

2007-05-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

[Blue = Canace/Luana; Red = Blayde]

it's over...

what?

the battle..

oh... finally

yeah...finally *looks at Blayde*

Canace looks even more beautiful than before. Blayde just looked at her. He wanted to embrace her but... it will only happen in his dreams.

[she's not Canace anymore... that's Luana... she'll never come back]

Blayde...

Hm?

I'm glad that this is over

Everyone is... except for the fact a lot died

No... not that battle...

What?

Nevermind..

...

I'm sorry

Sorry for what?

Canace pressed herself against Blayde's body, giving him a tight embrace. Blayde couldn't believe what she's doing... He couldn't resist her warmth as he wrapped his arms around her... Just to let her feel that he needs her... eventhough she forgot everything about their past... about them

I'm not going anywhere... i promise

Luana?

No, Blayde...it's me

You?

Blayde looked deeply in her loving eyes. He recognized that look in her. The look that he's been longing to see after he saw Canace again as Luana.

You're-...

*smiles*

Canace?? Canace!

Blayde...

You-you're back?

*tears rolled on her cheeks... and nodded*

Finally... don't worry.. i won't let go

i promise

2007-05-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

canace and blayde

***For a long time Canace lost her memoryLost a piece of her soulA piece of her heartA piece of her life***

She's lost in the roadlooking for a pathEven she's with her companion Why does she feel this feelingSomehow she feels so incomplete***

Eventhough her heart is beating for anotherYet still trapped from the pastHaunting her to come backVisions started running through her headVisions of her and that man She can't see his faceshe refuse to see Blayde's face***

She tried to look backBut she wouldn't want toShe's afraid to look backAfraid to get hurt...and to hurt***Blayde waited for so longEventhough new light has fallen in front of himYet he said what he said before...It is not easy to forget...***

He can clearly remember the timeHe said to her face to faceThat how much he loved CanaceAnd his promise to wait for her....eventhough it will take him forever***

But when everything going so wellbetween Blayde and CanaceEverything was torn apartA simple mistake...turned to something worse***

It hurts so much for CanaceAnd decided to let goShe erased her memoryAnd decided to move on***

Canace doesn't knowThat it hurts Blayde moreHe lived his life full of regretAnd he said... it is hard to forget***

As Canace was still traveling lost on the roadshe looked backand in the vision...she saw his faceFor the first time for so long...she saw Blayde***

Canace answered the callingFound the peice that she's looking forAll along... that piece...Was with him... that piece was him***

Looking back for the past 8 yearsEverything was meant to happenshe finally know what's she's looking forShe still loves him... he still loves her***

Two hearts collide...And they step out of the darknessThey finally found their true happines...True bliss... no war can even come between themCanace and Blayde... "it's you and me forever"****based on the unofficial story of 'The One' of The Warlock's novel, 'Immortal Legend'*

go go go

2007-04-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

this day was friggin weird actually

i woke up just in time to fix myself and go to my advance classes w/c will start at 8am...unfortunately when i decided to SMS my teacher to double check the time and she said that it will start at 1pm! dangg...i was already on the bus when i sent her that message!...i mean...what am i going to do???? hahah

when i arrived at our place by 8:10, she apologized and there was a mix up in the schedule that's why things turned out to be sooo wrong...lolz...two of my classmates went home already well anyways they live just few miles away...but me? i cant go home yet! taga batangas city kaya ako tas lipa pa ang pinupuntahan ko!! sayang pamasahe!

it was sooo darn hot so i decided to stay at Starmart...katabi lang naman at saka malamig pa dun....as i was doing nothing and stared at cars passing by, i got so bored that i even drew a cartoon character at the back of my Math Notebook....i got even more bored when i checked my watch and it was only 8:50....i sat there for like an hour and decided to go out and look for a computer cafe to blog and unfortunately i found one and it is still closed...

...i went back...sat down again....stared at cars again....until my butt became wet for sitting for hours

...then dear Abiona texted me about boredom while i was texting with Blayde...

...then i fell asleep for maybe 5-10 mins then i saw my former service mate and he sat down with me for a little chit-chat...not surprized when i saw him with a pack of cigaretts...i kinda knew from the very beginning that he was really into those stuff..oh well...

not knowing Blayde saw me and my former service mate as they pass by Starmart! he saw me and i didn't! dangg...that's not fair! anyways...

i was a little hungry...so i went to the "hotdogan" to eat hotdog!! yay!

i waited till 1:00pm till the class start...then things went fine well...a little Trigonometry and a dose of turon made it a little ok ....

...........after classes i waited for the bus for like an 30 mins! or maybe an hour...darnn! i couldnt wait so i decided to take a van...luckily i found one yahoooooooo......Abiona told me not to sleep so i didnt so all through the trip i was sleeping with my eyes open..

oh well....got a little lazy...

be back blogging! =D

New Look =p

2007-04-24T08:21:00.000-07:00

woooooooooT!

new blog look...a fresh start for a refreshed feel and fresh to da fresh to da sakkatum fresh! (O_ohuh?)

lolz...anyways a lot of things happend for the few past months since i haven't updated this blog.
it's actually toooooooo long to share it in one post and i'm to lazy to put it all! =p

so... this post is not going to be any longer...it's kind of an introduction to my "new" blog...

i deleted a lot of posts and still i saved some of them...

oh well..i'll be back =p

promise!

can i have this shirt???<33 ------->>

PANIC! AT THE DISCO!!

2006-10-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

Panic! At the Disco anyone?!!

:D

i just read their journal at the offcial website and i found myself smirking all the time!

and i read their post in their entry "Q & A" and i was all lol...

"Jon doesn't seem like he's 20 to me. How old is he really?

~ok, he is 14" <----lol!!

"ryan will you marry me?
~

yes" <--------- roflmao!!!

haha...feel like postin some blog today :D

current mood: obsessed <333

SEMESTRAL BREAK!!!

2006-10-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

finally...a time to rest...

that's all ^_^

TANTRUMS

2006-08-19T05:10:00.000-07:00

now here's a real blog post...

Canace: i hate it... i hate you and everything about you!
Luana: it just so happens that it happend in the wrong time
Canace: so you're telling me it's just a coincidence?
Luana: . . .
Canace: everything happens for a reason.
Luana: i'm just telling you that it just--
Canace: oh just shut up
Luana: God made this happen so be cool ok?
Canace: pssh... how can i be okay when i'm in the middle of my tantrums?
Luana: relax...i'm trying to be patient here...
Canace: it's better to let it all out even for just a second
Luana: i understand... i know that...
Canace: i'm tired...
Luana: me too... i'm as tired a you are
Canace: of course! i am you and you are me
Luana: *smirks* are you done crying?
Canace: are you?
Luana: uh-huh
Canace: you okay now?
Luana: yes... and you
Canace: i feel so much better now.

me and the other side of me.... our conversation...

earlier on i was working on our music to be used for mass dance. and then i was in the middle of mixing the music my brother just came in and he told me not to waste my time. but i told him what i was doing is something important and he said that i should be surprised in how long i'll be doing this(the mixing). as he walked out the door i whispered to myself that this thing is not as easy as it looks and it does take such a long time to finish! like, i'm grounded for using the pc in weekdays so i have no time! and by tuesday we're going to start practicing for mass dance and we have to be ready within 3 friggin weeks. and there's this research that i have to finish and to be send to my classmate in the morning so he could edit it. then all of the sudden i lost it. wala na ako s mood! i wanted to continue mixing but i can't. then i turned off the pc and rush to the patio and threw my tantrums. i cried... i even blurted out these words:

Lord, i'm not mad at You but why does it supposed to happen in such bad timing?

i hate it! i hate myself...i was in the mood then all of the sudden... bang!

ugh... i'm tired...i don't want this anymore... i dont hate You, Lord, i don't hate my brother..

i hate myself for being so emotional

my brother does not understand...

but i know his concerned about me... and the electricity >_<

but i will waste this very moment to cry...

i did said that. so stupid... i'm so stupid. all i want to happen is this pain to be gone...

GONE

POSTING 2 BLOG POSTS A DAY [this post is a mess!]

2006-08-18T18:58:00.000-07:00

hahahaha!

i just dunno why... maybe i'm in the mood...

hmmm...

ok lemme think...

next weekend i'll be gone for a while. i'll be in school and i'll be participating in th Search-In.
i'm so excited because this will be happening once in a lifetime *i think...but why miss the chance?*

i just really don't know what to put in this friggin post...oh well...imma make this not so pointless...

hmm... oh yeah....here it is...

my parents are leaving and they'll be in NY with my sister from October till January. i was like...omigosh! this Christmas will be my first Christmas without my mom and dad! there will be no daddy's special spaghetti, no daddy's special baked macaroni, no daddy's special roast chicken... T_T

back in BULIK... uhmm... what were we doing? some teacher is teaching us how to use Adobe Photoshop. well... yeah i know some and yet there are few thing that i don't really know about [pssh...i bet Rexie knows a lot about this] lol

aint that good enough...lmao!

ok where was i? hmmm... if i have lost of free time, imma put pictures in this blog... [yes i know that i'm a camwh*re but hey, i will not put not only my pictures...DUH!!]

....

......

.........

....................

BE BACK BLOGGING!!! ~~MAYBE LATER~~ <LOL

The Start of a REAL Happy Ending

2006-08-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

i was surfing the net with my classmate Dora watching cute kitties at Youtube then i passed by a video of my most fave, Avril Lavigne-Whibley :) . She looks stunning right now and still the edgy rocker chick inside of her is still there. this video is definitely very moving [for me] because i know our dear Av IS a hopless romantic and finally ended her story to a real happy ending. but...actually, it's just a start for her and her husband, Deryk. i wish all of them all the luck. God bless them :D

fave part: the hug by the patio <333>

finally....

2006-08-11T05:47:00.000-07:00

finally... exams are over...

but it doesn't stop there... i am actually friggin nervous about my grades....honestly.

well i'm happy, it's the second quarter! wooot!

hahaha... this gotta be better than the first quarter... IT BETTER BE! grr...rawr.

and again...*you guys already know this*... my head hurts.... hahahah

and again... it hurts...

gotta sleep? dont think so!!! R A W R

hahahha

whatever...i feel... soo....drained...

be back blogging!

ciao!

blogging at school....

2006-08-06T23:38:00.000-07:00

haha..kinda funny...

i'm actually blogging here in school... well nothing to do... it's not allowed to surf at friendster here.... evenYM is not allowed.

actually my head hurts [again].... what time did i sleep? uhmm...probably 12:05?

i always stay up late and i dont even think that i will ever sleep early...

my head aches [i already said that right? urrrgghh] *_*

can't wait until 2nd quarter....hmmm....

i'm actually talkiung nonesense here....bah!!

*rolls eyes* and my head aches....

>_<

like we said, they just don't get it

2006-07-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

i know highschool is really highschool. and when there's highschool, there's highschool drama. [a friend of mine corrected me and she said, hellschool]

have you guys watched the movies jawbreaker, mean girls, and cinderella story? i enjoyed watching 'em but the thing is at the end of the movie i just found myself saying "I HATE HIGHSCHOOL DRAMA" w/c is true.

the thing is this:

we all have different minds and point of views. we have our own versions of what's hot and not. there are what we call "popular groups" in highschool w/c others think that they are the "cool ones", the "trend setters", the "ones to look up to" [think Plastics of the Mean Girls] and because of their thoughts and opinions, it also becomes everybody's opinion and their what i so-called "followers" are offcially clones and real people are the one who are not cool to them.
GET A LIFE!

another thing:

most esp. to girls... they look at a hill as a big friggin mountain!! like, every little thing that other people [ones who are not like them] do, they make a big thing out of it and then what happens? COLD WAR. been there, done that.... and i dont want it anymore. not because some people dont think or act like them then they have to do something about it just to be one of them of to get rid to those who are not "in".

"they just dont get it" i got this line by a friend of mine to whom i call 'Abiona'. because she was doing something that she could help for the class [reading the tarot] but there are these certain girls who were talking about Abiona and saying that what she's doing is pure evil/demonic.

i just saw Abiona fixing her things looking pissed off then she said the line- they just dont get it.

they just cant accept the fact that we are all different...SO LIVE WITH IT!
they just cant accept the fact that there are times we oppose to what they like...LIVE WITH IT

*i just wanted to share what i thinkand feel deep inside of me when i get really pissed off about highschool drama...*

my head aches

2006-07-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

insomaniac...*high*

really...i only have 2-3 hrs of sleep every weekdays. then i'll have a 45 min sleep in the service when going to school and going home and an hour of sleep when i came home....and look, i have this nick of falling asleep in class. i can't focus my eyes, eyelids getting heavier, heavy head...and yes...head ache...

stupid huh? i may be the laziest person alive but i can still control myself [*raises eyebrow* yeah right!]
i just need motivation...

*omigosh...i am toooooo lazy!*

T_T

Scars

2006-07-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

actaully, i found this video from my friend's friendster page. this song made me think actually. it speaks the men's side about a complicated relationship...honestly i found myself addicted to this video....hahaha...thanks kuya chris! :D

2006-06-14T03:35:00.000-07:00

WARNING!

THIS BLOG ENTRY CONTAINS GRAPHIC DETAILS! THINK TWICE BEFORE READING!

After first day, poof! I'm here back at home. I'll be absent for 2 days! Why? Because of my huge mistake about this infected open wound near my left ankle. I knew something is really wring about my open wound and pus are coming are always coming out of this friggin wound. Actuall,y it l;ooks like a boil gone wrong!!

Yesterday after classes, before going to the school van, I went to the clinic to check on my wound and ask what anitbiotics should be used and what i should to with it? I told her this was infected for 3 or 4 days and when i showed her my pretty skin hiding under the bandage , she was shocked! She said that thing is big and i should see a doctor immediately. She cleansed my wound and replaced my bandage to a new one. I was walking crippled to the school van and then i told mom that i havta go and see a doctor. So we went. Then my mom was stunned when the doctor said that my ankle should be x-rayed and be cleansed ASAP. And maybe it would be stitched! I was like, “go for it!!” well, it's for the better and para matapos na!!!
at the operation, they injected anti-tetano (tama ba?) then started to put spread liquid thingys to my wound then injected anesthesia to lessen the pain. When doing the operation, i was laughing! It tickles! I was watching what they're doing to me until the doctor told the nurse to give me a pillow to hug on. So i took the pillow and i couldn't see what's happening but i can feel it. I was like squeezing my eyes because of the stingy pain and at the same time i was laughing! Weird!!

enough about the graphic scenes. Well again, here i am stuck at home AGAIN [parang bakasyon] doing what i used to do last summer...
well that does it...ciao!!

Officially 15

2006-06-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

It is official. I'm another year older and I'm saying goodbye to fourteen and say hello to fifteen. My morning started just right...my sister was the first one to greet me and then our helpers at home sang a happy birthday song, ate cereal for breakfast with my sister and my cousin, received a Happy Birthday kiss from my Dad, I lied down on my mom's bed to give her a morning kiss, a devotional book from kuya and an organizer from his girlfriend, a offline IM from my sister and a birthday wish from my bestfriend....nothing could be better. I'm overwhelmed about it.

The date is perfect, June 12, then the day after that (which is tomorrow) is the first day of school. It is perfect for a new start. I'll start everything from scratch. Forget all my worries and look forward for tomorrow.

Thank God I'm a year older now! All I wanna do now is to pray and read the book my brother gave me. There are so many things I want to thank. Actually I'm getting emotional now (y'know guys, I'm softy at times) and mixed emotions are coming in and out of my head! Well to ask you a question, have you ever thank people who mean so much to you at your birthday? And have you ever raised your hands to the skies and thank the Lord that he gave you another year to live?

I was reflecting about what I was when I was fourteen. Many challenges came up to me and the real world is slowly showing up to me and making my eyes and heart open to what is really happening. I have sacrificed a lot of things even the thing that I really loved, I have learned to move on despite all of the darkness that was blocking my light, I have learned to love again, and I have learned my lessons in all of my mistakes. A lot has happened to me when I was fourteen.

And now I'm fifteen, like I said, I'll start everything from scratch, refresh myself to have a good start in my brand new life.

Am I Ready?

2006-06-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

Am I ready?

For what? A lot of things for crying out loud!!!

Well here I am updating my blog just to put direction in my life [don't ask why and how].

There a lot of things I have to be ready for starting tomorrow. Well tomorrow is my 15th birthday and the next day is the first day of school.

Anyways, I'll update my blog next time and I'll share what will happen.

Yours truly,
Christela

not understandable....

2006-06-09T03:23:00.000-07:00

the brain of this beholder is already full

it aches... and the pain will never go away

her hands are lazy yet calloused

her voice is powerful yet coarsed

she was never perfect...never

but she always knew that she can be better...

in her mind is a wide universe

with lost planets and stars...

she screamed out loud...

she wanted peace...

and then eveything was quiet

all she can hear is her breath...

she never found peace...

but she never knew that...

she's in peace when everything is in chaos

My Deliverance of Jesus from the Da Vinci Code

2006-06-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

Here's my comment about the Da Vinci Code. Whether believe or not to believe about the secret, it doesn't change my faith about God. Why be affected if Jesus Christ made it with Mary Magdalene and had a child? I don't really think it is a bad thing... maybe because it will disgrace Jesus' purity? I said to myself, so what? he IS God and was it a disgrace to His Father? And Jesus is part human and he also can experience affection to the opposite sex! Jesus did a lot for humanity and about Him having a baby is not a mud of your white clothing to Him. Mary Magdalene was saved by Jesus and it doesn't matter if Jesus fell in love. Jesus teaches love, so why be against it? Some people will say that Jesus will never do that, but I say 'why not?' He can do anything He wants and He will do nothing to disgrace us and to His Father. I've always looked up to Jesus and what He did for humanity means a lot big time.

The thing that I am bothered about is, why keep it a secret? I am a Christian and I would be proud that Jesus had a daughter. But if we put it this way, if the secret was not a secret before, things could've been worse or better at the present. But, who knows?
I think it was sooooooo barbaric that in the old times men put women in the stake because one of them may be the bloodline of Jesus and made an excuse taht they're witches! You know what I think? This secret maybe started the discrimination of women. And I think this secret made this policy about there souldn't be a Catholic priestess...just priests and the women are just nuns.

For me, this didn't really affected my faith to God! Jesus can have a family, I respect Him, after all He's God! Actually, the Da Vinci Code made my faith stronger. Why? Because I can defend God about this. I may be at the middle between "Believe the code and weaken your faith" and "Dont believe the code because this is just to destroy Christianity" but the bottom line is: No other story, true or not, will weaken my faith in God"

I'm just sharing what I think and what I believe. I love talking about this things because this made me defend about God and what I think.

2006-06-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

testing...